Take a drink every time. . .
\~/ Big Dog tries to be funny
.....\~/ in a vulgar/childish and unfunny fashion
\~/ An anachronism pops up
\~/ A non-Earth character speaks in 21st Century American English
\~/ Someone activates his/her Mary Sue Powers
\~/ This sporker is smarter than Sam
\~/ There's random nonsensical violence for no good reason
\~/ Numbers and measurements (ie, "48 feet" or something) is used in place of actual description
\~/ A euphemism is used
\~/ The word "garesh" is used, because it's stupid.
\~/ A major plot point is revealed in the Inquirer instead of the narrative
\~/ An elementary mistake is made (such as a wolf crying, etc.)
\~/ Sexism is detected/females behave in a decidedly stupid fashion
.....\~/ Take another if the women are exploited sexually as well
\~/ A character could have solved the problem in an easier way
\~/ The narrator interrupts for no good reason
\~/ A Wall-Banger is found. Then take two Tylenol. 00
\~/ Every time there is an infodump (I'm going to die just on this one)
.....\~/ Add an additional drink for every paragraph.
..........|~| Add a whole bottle for every additional page.